WORK: Or, I Know Why the Poor Artist Serves Burgers. Also, A Contest Kind Of?

Greetings, minions. It’s been some time since I’ve been able to stand over you wearing an expression of general discontent, and, I’ll say it, I’ve missed you.

Not you, though. You annoy the shit out of me. Why are you even here? GUARDS!

*scuffle ensues*

There. Now where was I?

Ah, yes. Work. 

Like most adults of my species, I’ve procured a job because unlike civilized society, here, we barter with little pieces of paper and plastic cards with names printed on them. I know, weird, right? And this job has gotten in the way of a lot of things–face (talk?) time with my partners in crime, Hanna and Renee, time usually spent plotting ridiculous stories I may or not not write in the future, reading time…

Notice a trend? Like the cell phones of 10 years ago, this job EATS all of the minutes. 

But I’ll let you in a secret: it regurgitates some awesome things, too. 

No, I’m not just talking about the bartering paper (even though that is a bonus–side note, tip your fucking servers, people, or I will find you and stick you in the chokey). 

Ever walked into the middle of a conversation and immediately felt awkward about it because of what was said? Of course you have. And I’ll also bet that you’ve wished to have heard the rest of it, too. How about looked across the room at a person and IMMEDIATELY come up with a background story for them because to your insane mind, it’s fucking OBVIOUS that they’re a secret agent for MI-6, or has a scale model of Las Vegas in their basement where they perform Barbara Streisand medleys with their pet parrot, Veronica?

Exactly. This is my life, people, and it’s like catnip for writers. 

Feeling blocked? Get a job. Your mom will thank you, and so will your wife/husband/Kryptonian Master. Or, if you’re feeling lazy and would rather live vicariously through me (jerks), I’ll be posting the best of my observations once a week. Mondays. Yeah, Mondays, because they need some serious fucking improvement. What should we call it? Leave your suggestions in the comments and the person who gives me the best one will win something bookish. 

 

ASFIXIA – Need Some Inspiration? Also, A Deadline, Kinda.

My dear writers,

Are you, like me, hopped up on cold meds and finding the brain fuzzies a little difficult to combat in your quest for alternate truth? No? You’re just stuck? 

Oh.

Well, we can fix that.

A good writer friend of mine, Vero, has one of those minds that requires large cajones (figuratively – or literally. I don’t judge) to enter. Recently she offered the idea that the internet is self aware, but not in the way that you’re thinking. You can read the entire post here:

http://www.veronicasicoe.com/blog/2013/01/what-if-the-internet-became-self-aware/

Do with that what you will, and bring us some stories!

ALSO

Some of your have been asking about a deadline for submitting your stories to Asfixia. Here’s my response: March/April -ish. The final deadline will be determined by how many and of quality stories we receive. I’ll let you know when we have a concrete date.

Happy writing!

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS – Asfixia, a short speculative fiction anthology

What if…

That is the question fiction seeks to answer. Speculative fiction goes one step further and attempts to answer what would happen if this world were different. If people were different. If people didn’t exist.

Do you write stories in which you explore an alternate reality and deliver a tale that makes the reader think or feel? Your story might be right for ASFIXIA – a new short fiction anthology to be published early 2014.

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GUIDELINES:

• We’re looking for speculative fiction – sci-fi/horror/fantasy/dystopian/super-hero/alternate history – the stranger, the better.

• Maximum word count is 3,000 but we are more likely to accept stories that blow us away with fewer words. There is no minimum. If you can tell a story in 100 words, we’ll consider it.

• We are especially interested in stories that explore human nature and challenge standard ideas such as “good always defeats evil” and preconceived notions about love.

• We (and when we say “we” we mean Katrina. Henry may convince her otherwise) are NOT interested in stories centralized on artificial intelligence aspiring to be human UNLESS you can present it to us in a way we haven’t seen.

• Stories involving religion, erotic content, LGBT themes, and profanity are acceptable – but stories involving sex and f-bombs for the sake of sex and f-bombs will be set on fire.

No YA, please. NA will be judged on a case by case basis.

• And, please, no sparkly vampires.

TECHINCAL STUFF

Send stories meeting the above criteria to asfixiabook@gmail.com with Submission – Title in the subject line and your story as an attachment. Please include a brief (1-2 lines) bio in the body of the email.

Authors with accepted stories will be paid $3.00 per piece upon acceptance and signed contract returned.

Simultaneous and multiple submissions are accepted, but no more than two per email. We would also appreciate a heads up if your story is accepted elsewhere.